She asked me why I wasn’t playing, too, and I showed her my hand which was red but not blistered. ![]() Later I was sitting with my sister and my mom’s friend. I put burn cream from a first aid kit on it and it made it hurt worse so I washed it off and decided I had to tough it out. 90% of my hand was burned and it was hurting for hours. When I was 12 I accidentally picked up a hot curling iron. It’s the sweet yellow sauce that’ll save your soul… So get out of here ketchup! There’s a new condiment in town. I owe it my life, my identity, my career as a part-time hand model. A quick trip to the emergency later, and I’m feeling good. He forced my hand into that mustard, and the pain immediately elided. “No! Only ketchup for me!” I screamed, fighting to retain my iconoclastic nature at all moments.īut I was the weaker, and wronger, man that day. He grabbed my hand, pulled out a large jar of mustard, and started to push my paw inside. The hot dog vendor, a seasoned professional, made rough and efficient through years of cavorting with drunken, mid-western violence voyeurs, quickly sprang into action. I haven’t experienced such pain since January 25, 1998. But it landed directly on the surface of the grill. My hand jutted out in animal instinct to halt my tumble. At halftime, I strode confidently to the hot dog stand, ready to order my dog with some gooey red catsup.īut while I was in line, some rude rude bears boys, seeing my attire, pushed me into the hot dog cart. I adorned my body with a Bart Starr jersey and a wonderful wedge to sit upon my dome. ![]() ![]() I went to the yearly contest at Soldier field between the Bears and my beloved Packers. #teamketchup all the way baby! Or so I thought. Putting ketchup on a hot dog has always been sacrilege in my community. So, next time you have a kitchen mishap that leaves you with a painful burn, open the fridge and reach for that jar of yellow mustard! And add mustard to your list of home remedies for burns … but remember: A severe burn should always be treated as a medical emergency. If slathering yellow mustard on burns sounded a little crazy at first, it’s hard to deny the effectiveness now.
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